Xmas Pizza

You will need:

1 Iceland thin & crispy double pepperoni pizza
Some gravy (thick)
Some turkey breast
2 Aunt Bessie's sage and onion stuffing balls
2 pigs in blankets
Cathedral City mature cheese
Mixed herbs
An oven
A knife


Method:

Take one Iceland thin & crispy double pepperoni pizza.


Remove the BIG bits of pepperoni.

Drizzle some thick gravy over the frozen pizza.
Just a drizzle, not much at all or you will have a gravy tasting soggy pizza.

Chuck it in a pre-heated oven at gas mark 6 for 10 minutes.

While you're waiting, chop the big bits of pepperoni into small squares along with 2 Aunt Bessie's sage and onion stuffing balls, some turkey breast and 2 pigs in blankets.

Remove the pizza from the oven. It should now be thawed but no where near cooked.

Add the chopped TURKEY!!!


Add the chopped STUFFING BALLS!!!


Add the chopped PIGS IN BLANKETS!!!


Add the chopped PEPPERONI!!!


Now grate some Cathedral City mature cheese over the top and add a sprinkle of mixed herbs.


Return to the oven for about 8 minutes till the cheese has melted to a nice golden brown.


Cut into 6, eat and wash down with Pepsi.
NOT wine, NOT cider and certainly NOT DOCTOR FUCKING PEPPER!!! Else you are a cunt.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! ;)

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Resizing Photos For Web

This is a tutorial on how to prep photos for web use so my mate don't end up smacking the crap out of his PC.


First of all download PIXresizer from here http://bluefive.pair.com/PIXresizer.zip (Just click the link)

It's a .zip file so double click it and then double click the file called "setup" to install.

Now on your desktop (or wherever you like) make two new folders, name one "Big bastard photos" and the other "Lovely little photos".

Put the original photos from the camera into the "Big bastard photos" folder.

Open PIXresizer from the start menu / programs menu, woteverrrr.

1) At the top of PIXresizer there is 2 tabs, one saying "Work with one file" the other saying "Work with multiple files".
We want to Work with multiple files today so click it.

2) Click where it says "Source" and find the "Big bastard photos" folder, hit "OK" when done.

3) Click where it says "Destination" and find the "Lovely little photos" folder, hit "OK" when done.

4) Make sure you've clicked "Apply recommended" near the bottom right corner.

5) Now wave your original limited edition Harry Potter wand and say "HEYFUCKINGPRESTO!!!" (you could also use a chopstick or pencil if you do not have a wand), Click "Save Pictures" and you now have all your big ass photos converted to sexy little ass photos sitting in the "Lovely little photos" folder waiting to be used like whores.
Here is a nice easy to follow picture showing PIXresizer.



I'd just like to quickly say thanks to Bluefive Software (the makers of PIXresizer) for creating such a great piece of software. Simple to use, does what it says on the tin and 100% FREE with NO ads or spyware!!!

For your own safety please only download PIXresizer from the official Bluefive website @ http://bluefive.pair.com